But I just stared at the photo...
Let me just talk about high school. Please read my entire post to the end, because I think if I were going to read what I am about to type I would stop reading and say, "okay, this girl is full of herself. Is she done yet?" but I am going somewhere completely different with this. I loved high school. I started off my sophomore year building friendships that I liked being in. To be honest, I never truly felt close to most people, but I smiled and talked to them everyday as if we were tied to the knot (there are very few people I can actually say are still good friends: I consider good friends to be able to drive over, not shave my legs for the week, and sit around talking). I was close with everyone; boys and girls. Junior year I was voted by the school to be one of the five girls to represent the junior class on the prom court. Senior year I was voted to be one of the ten girls in the senior class for homecoming court, and I was also one of the five girls on prom court for the seniors again. There were not a lot of people who knew about my life, and I intended it to be that way. I had people over at my home to hang out in the hot tub, eat pizza, hang out, or anything to just get people together. It wasn't that I cared what people thought about me and I didn't exactly "care" if I was a popular kid (because I honestly did not dis-clude anyone; I talked to everyone), but I wanted to have friends that would almost complete me. I wanted to say "yeah, we are friends" to everyone, and there is a reason.
When I was in the fifth grade, my best friend and I (who is still one of my best friends today) got into a huge fight. Long story short, after a couple of days the entire school HATED me because of a couple of rumors. Girls growing up are cruel. Sounds pretty cliche' right? I was a complete loner. I would lock myself in the bathroom at recess, and my mom would take time off of work to eat lunch with me. Half way through my sixth grade year, I finally started to have friends. I built my friendships back up when a new girl came to join my school and we went to junior high and high school together. Over time, I became friends with more people, but because of this time through elementary and junior high, I was driven to become the person I was in high school and who I am today.
Looking back I am so sad for the little girl locked inside of the bathroom stall eating her pudding, but I am actually so grateful to have had to face that. I am not easily angered, I keep secrets well, I don't gossip, I do not betray...there are so many things I learned at an early age because of what I went through. Kids learn young, and because I was a sponge, I learned fast.
I have seen many things in my life that others have no idea about. Many have seen worse, but many people have no clue what life can be like.
In the presence of today, I feel so great. Right now I am in a good spot. Last night I started to get caught up in decisions and what I am going to do about certain parts of my life, decisions I need to make, and what not. But then I realized "why am I trying to figure all of this out?" The devotion today fit perfectly. And to be honest, it is freaky at how accurate these daily devotions can relate to my life. I hope it can relate to yours as it did to mine.
Relax and let me lead you through this day. I have everything under control: my control. You tend to peer anxiously into the day that is before you, trying to figure out what to do, and when. Meanwhile, the phone or the doorbell rings, and you have to reshuffle your plans. All that planning ties you up in knots and distracts you from me. Attentiveness to me is not only for your quiet time, but for all your time. As you look to me, I show you what to do and now and next.
Vast quantities of time and energy are wasted in obsessive planning. When you let me direct your steps, you are set free to enjoy me and to find what I have prepared for you this day.
Psalm 32:8; Psalm 119: 35; Psalm 143: 8
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